Understanding Women

The book I am going to discuss in this article is, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray. You will find the review at many places, but I will share things what touched me closely! 😃

This article I am writing for men and to abolish the myth “women are too complex” and “nobody can understand women completely”.

Why I thought to read it?

I’ve been seeing this book since 2017 in book shelves in book stores. But how Universe convinced me to read it out was unique. Being a follower of Law of Attraction, I repeatedly watch the documentary “The Secret” in my early morning walks. So one day I decided to research about all the experts being interviewed in the documentary. And out of all experts, I found John Gray who turns out to be Relationships advisor. When I followed him on social media, I came to know that he is the writer of this unusual bestseller. That moment, I read about John Gray first, researched about his life. (His own relationship with his better half too 😂) and then I was clear ok, this one is a worth it book.

The best thing about its timing!

The timing of this book coming in my life was really crucial. I am in the process of getting committed to someone for my life journey and also, in general I was looking for the best way to treat women around in work too. So first of all, I put forth my gratitude to Almighty for giving me the book at the right ime ❤️

The Reason Why book was written!

This book starts with the writer’s own experience in seeing his spouse in pain, and realising his tendency to leave his wife alone when she most needed him. But the day he realised his issue, he says, I didn’t leave her in pain just instantly. I listened to her a bit and she said something like:

“John you’re selfish! You come to me only when you feel you can benefit, and you leave me when I have nothing to offer.”

Well, this statement stops John and he comes and gives her time. And all she needs him to stay with her.. nothing more.. This incident inclines John into a long research, spanning to 7 years, about women and men. He realises subtle differences in how both genders think and expect from each-other.

Correlating the book with my own behaviour

Well, I love spending time around my mum and my sis. Because they are my biggest supporters at whatever I do. But the biggest hurdle I used to face while being around them, they usually talk only about problems! And I always tried to tell them why don’t you think positive? And the situation usually got heated and I used to leave them alone 😅

Let her talk and you just listen

Well, the book explains a point about this situation:

In Men’s language, when a man describes a problem to another man, he is usually seeking for a solution.

But in a woman’s language, just mentioning about the problems is the solution. 😅

Women feel better by talking about the problems and venting out all the mess that’s going on in their head

So next time your wife/sis/mum is talking about problems, SHUT UP, AND LISTEN. Don’t you dare to move a muscle and reply a solution to her 😊

Most guys make the mistake of answering the negativity their lady is throwing at him. And as a result he gets a comment:

You don’t listen to me!

Well she actually only needs you to listen and not give solution to her problems. And one more misconception men have is,

If a woman is talking negatively, she is blaming me!

That is not true!

So hold on and listen. That is the only way to pacify her. Sometimes what she says is not what she means. She speaks a language which is compact and saturated to make the most impact on you. So don’t take each word literally! Don’t answer the words, understand the intent and the reason why she is forced to say that.

The lesser time you spend on listening to her, harsher will be her talks to you.

Because she has to land her pain to you, and you are not investing in listening to her 😃

Learn to translate the statements she makes in an argument

Women and men use different language. Acknowledging the difference of thoughts and translating other person’s statements is vital.

When she needs you to do something for her, eg, she wants you to take her to restaurant. She will state it like this if you’re mostly away and not listening to her:

You never take me out!

What she actually means is, Take me out, it’s been a while we had a dinner out. Simple..

So, you guys don’t have to take each word literally. It’s just the aggression of her emotions that usually intensifies the word selection to make the message impact more.

The possible ways you can resolve a conflict is:

1- Acknowledge Differences

2- Listen Actively

3- Reflective Listening: After your partner has spoken, paraphrase what they said to ensure you understood correctly.

4- Validate Emotions: You don’t need to agree with their point of view, but still show empathy in acknowledgement of their emotions.

5- Express feelings without blame

6- Choose the right time

7- Avoid Interrupting

8- Use Humor

9- Take breaks if conversations become too heated!

10- Find win-win and be ready to compromise

11- Practice Patiemce

These strategies are useful for both sides.

Women are Like Waves

Women face more emotional swings as compared to men. And frequency of change in emotions is way faster as compared to men. At one moment they will be quite high and responsive and other moment she might be withdrawn and not interested even in talking.

In times of stress, women are more communicative. Some times women need personal space also. And totally doesn’t mean that something is needed to be fixed at tour end. So be at ease. But be informed, that this phase goes away real fast too. Just understand and respect that emotional cycle of women is different. It’s just the way nature has evolved them.

Small things mean more to women than BIG things

Men quantify goodness of something by its impact. Like, making a new home in poshest locality is the goal that will make man more happy. Please be informed that women don’t expect that from you. Maybe a rose 🌹 for her back from your really hectic work day will score more in her view than a dinner at an expensive restaurant. They need more of your time. Not your big dreams for them. Small things you can do repeatedly can make her happier as compared to long term goals that you accomplish for her over time. Remember, more of you means to her more than more of what you can accomplish for her!

With this I would like to end this article. Because I believe, if as men we start implementing these steps only, thing can improve drastically in our basic unit of society, which is our home sweet home ❤️

Will look forward to your thoughts 😃